372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

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An absolutely epic end to an epic book. Let’s list them off: giant gorillas, chimpanzees, giant ostriches, gigantic komodo-looking dragons, witch princesses in sheer linen gowns: it’s obvious Larry got a little excited and wrote the end of this one.

No Real or Fanfic; however Mike’s stats on this are discussed. Spoiler alert. They are not good. New book announcement coming very soon.

Here’s Denise’s Moepek rewrite/reimagining that we talk about at the beginning of the show: https://amzn.to/3sNig7b (affiliate link!)

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Incredible – truly incredible – Larry and Denise stuff in this section. The vast majority of this reading could have been submitted as Real or Fanfic and fooled Mike every time. And speaking of, please listen in if only to hear Mike fail miserably at Real or Fanfic! READING

ASSIGNMENT: *sigh* Finish the book.

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Like jumping into a waterfall and landing in a Nile River of madness, The Adventures of the Teen Archaeologists (Book 1) The Land of the Moepeks by Larry and Denise Ellis does not disappoint. The character names come at you fast and furious, there’s a disproportionate amount of yelling, a ton of sarcasm, some non-caring remarks, and best of all, flying dinosaurs from Flying Dinosaur Island which is right next door to the Land of the Moepeks.

A lot of great Fanfic, Dumb Sentences and Listener Mail to boot.

Assignment: Read thru Chapter 11

Links:

-John’s signed and annotated copy of How To Revive The Middle Class (Get your own here (affiliate link)

-Jan’s exhaustive character spreadsheet 

The much discussed potential tattoo

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Join us on Patreon, where every episode comes out a week early and you get to hear all the other bonus stuff we only put on there! And check out “The Naked Clone” a book that Mike & Conor co-authored with Kevin, Bill, and Sean from RiffTrax!

Yes, a long episode, but this book more than earns it. So much to talk about, so many Real or Fanfics, so many Dumb Sentences, so many slaps on so many teenage faces…

And folks, you may not believe it, but Larry and Denise actually innovate a new redundancy in writing that must be read and re-read to be believed.

[Very slight audio note: toward the end, there’s a blip in Conor’s track where he disappears for about a half a second. Just so you know you’re not hallucinating.]

Archived Antigua website

Archived Moepek website

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 7

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Join the fun on Patreon, where you get every episode a week early and other fun bonus stuff! https://patreon.com/372pages

The book is currently unavailable on Amazon, so if you’ve already read your copy, please pay it forward to another listener!

To prepare for what we can only assume is an epic reading of Larry and Denise’s The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists (Book 1) The Land of the Moepek we asked patreon supporters to submit your favorite moments from Antigua. Gordle the Gorilla, Nasty Fox, forcing people into trees (with the “forces” from their wands), all of these make the cut!

If you want to catch up on the Antigua episodes, here’s a youtube playlist of all of them

Assignment: read the first two chapters; a new episode is coming soon.

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Help us pick the next book! We’ll be running a poll on the 372 Patreon: http://patreon.com/372pages

The Bark Squad wraps up Dodie Smith’s fever nightmare of a sequel in this final episode covering The Starlight Barking. Sirius the Dogstar visits, promising a lifetime of bliss in outer space. Unfortunately, some whiny mangey strays are all like “Uh, no, we like having owners who mistreat and starve us” and so Pongo is forced to make a decision on behalf of all dogdom. Also Missus “invents” the High Swoosh and we reach “closure” on what the hell was up with Cruella’s metal clothes. There may be a list of dog names at some point.

Thanks to everyone who took the journey with us, we can’t wait until Disney finally releases their animated version. As threatened, we’ll be back soon with a Patreon poll to pick the next book!

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Support the podcast on Patreon and get every new episode a week early PLUS access to our entire archive of five years of bonus material: https://patreon.com/372pages

We learn a lot of new things in this episode: mostly Mike is terrible at Real or Fanfic! Seriously, all sorts of new rules about physis and metaphysics are explained, but they all boil down to how terrible Mike is at Real or Fanfic. Who is causing “The Sleep”? Is Cruella actually a demon from Hell? Doesn’t matter, because Mike stinks at Real or Fanfic.

Also, Dumb Sentences of the Week. And Conor dives to the Dark Web.

OH, also, I’m bad at this, but Conor and Mike are heading to Nashville to do this show, which will prove to be fun and funny and fun! https://www.fathomevents.com/events/RiffTrax-Live-Rad

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Support the podcast on Patreon where you can get every episode a week early as well as other fun stuff like Mike trying to solve the world’s most diabolical Encyclopedia Brown mysteries! http://patreon.com/372pages

The first full episode of The Starlight Barking goes in, shall we say, some unexpected directions. Lots more talk of pure bloodlines and hastily assembled coups than we expected in the sequel to 101 Dalmatians. Fortunately there’s also a healthy amount of whooshing, humping, and implied scooting thrown in! And that’s just by Conor during a surprisingly challenging Real or Fanfic segment!

Note: Mike’s microphone encountered some issues that resulted in reduced audio quality on his end. The source has been found and it won’t happen again. Feel free to roast him in the comments.

Assignment: Read thru Chapter 8

Get the book here 

Link we mentioned: https://nationalpurebreddogday.com/the-smallest-of-the-101-dalmatians-what-was-her-name/

Pictures we mentioned

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If you were on Patreon, you’d have known what the new book was a week ago! Join the fun at patreon.com/372pages

Let’s figure out what the TWENTY-FIFTH book we’re going to read together will be, but first, Conor quizzes Mike on some direct to VHS Real or Fanfic.

Link to buy Book 25: https://amzn.to/3NQG5S7

Reading Assignment: Thru Chapter 4

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Be the first to find out what’s next by supporting the podcast on Patreon. You’ll also hear a new subpodcast where Mike tries to solve Encyclopedia Brown mysteries: http://patreon.com/372pages

We finished Artemis! And we ranked Artemis as compares to all the other books covered in this podcast: you won’t believe what happens next!!

And we’re just going to get ahead of it: Chekov’s re-usable condom does not pay off.

There’s some mail from listeners as well, and one of them brings us up to date on Mike’s Real or Fanfic stats. I don’t think anyone is going to be impressed.

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