Episode 59 – Book 10

  • Cline
  • Cline
  • Theis
  • Shatlart
  • Thrash
  • Pappy
  • James
  • Harris
  • Stoker…

Who’s next? Listen and find out!

(Hey! Patreon supporters have known about this book for a week already and have been snatching up the cheapest used copies! Join them for early access to every episode, bonus eps, videos, contests, and more! patreon.com/372pages )

Episode 58 – China Worm Sunflower

Three hypnotizing attempts, two destroyed castles, and countless walnuts later, Lair of The White Worm comes to an end. Break out the medium-grade china and cream-jug, because this is one episode you won’t want to miss.

The 372 Pages Improv Players will attempt to fill the void when the Dark Web comes up empty, and we’ll examine how the book is actually exciting, you just need the right music to play. And does Conor have a new Ogden in his life? Plus, what the hell are the amplified dimensions of a potential breakfast?

Just try to keep all laughter quieter than your average slum beating as Mike & Conor wrap up Bram Stoker’s Bad Book, and keep an eye on the Patreon page for our review of the movie and a mailbag.

Episode 57 – Well Hung Doors

It’s our third episode discussing Bram Stoker’s “Lair of the White Worm”. If you like coherent horror stories, we apologize. But as a consolation, may we offer you dozens of sentences with upwards of seven commas in them?

We get the best of what Bram has to offer here: conversations with old men in parlors, absolute gibberish theories passed off as scientific fact, tea with attempted murderers, forest-planks, and of course, in a triumphant return, The Worm of Lambton. We are well aware of the amount of commas in that sentence.

Thank you to all of our generous Patreon supporters! Join them and get every episode early, plus contests, extra eps, and additional stuff only they get to see! patreon.com/372pages

We’ll also inspect Adam Salton’s past to see how he came to amass such an intricate library of smells, and Mike will attempt to improve on Conor’s abysmal Real or Fanfic performance from last episode. For next time, just finish the damn book!

Episode 56 – For the Benefit of Evil Bird Kite

To say that LOTWW took an unexpected turn in this section would be a slap in the face to unexpected turns. While it appeared to be inching (worm pun) its way toward an exploration of the enormous holes that TOTALLY PROVE the existence of giant worms, most of the second quarter of the book is dedicated to Caswall’s enormous bird kite.

Does he love the kite? Feel bad about the terror it hath wrought? Who knows! Stoker’s writing is no more clear than Oolanga’s expressions of love to Lady Arabella.

Thanks as always to our Patreon supporters who have been puzzling over the Sudden Birdemic all weekend. Join them at patreon.com/372pages

We’ll also listen in on a historical conversation Stoker had, and Mike turns the tables on Conor by having him guess Real or Fanfic?

For next time read thru Chapter 23

Episode 55 – A Very Special Mongoose

Bram, (or is it pronounced Bram) Stoker’s Dracula followup The Lair of the White Worm, is not very good. But there’s a lot to discuss!

Adam Salton has willingly traveled halfway across the world to live with his elderly Grand-Uncle, which is frankly a clue that we’re not in for a relatable experience. But we were not prepared for just how unrelatable! We’ve got mongoose purchasing down by the docks, men who stare like hawks until a woman possibly faints, outfits made of stuff, and women who may be snakes or just smell like them. Plus a big scoop of racism on top!

Thanks to all our Patreon supporters, who get every episode early and are currently in a contest to write a worse sentence than Stoker! Join them here: patreon.com/372pages

All this plus some snippets from a rare audiobook of the unabridged version. For next time, read thru Chapter 16!

Bonus Ep! The Live Show Recording Worked!

Recorded live at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on 9/18/19, it’s a very special 372 Pages Live!

Conor & Mike turn the tables on themselves, reading bad writing from Conor’s past. (Over two decades ago!) Mike either had no bad writing or it was somehow even worse than Conor’s, so he got Bridget to sub in for him. (Turns out Ernest Cline’s poetry is really bad and nobody wanted to inflict his poem “Cunning Linguistics” upon an unsuspecting audience. Don’t google it.)

Special thanks to Sisyphus for hosting, Eric for his AV talents, and for everyone who came out to see us in person! And as always, thanks to everyone who chips in on patreon to keep the show going! patreon.com/372pages

This was a two part live show, if you’d like to hear the Like Trees Walking portion that preceded it, where Mike & Dave discuss the sub-Hallmark Channel movie “Christian Mingle”, you can download the whole evening from their feed here 

Bonus Ep – Interview with Famous Man John Hodgman

This chat with Hodgman is now a PATREON EXCLUSIVE! Support the podcast and get every episode early, plus access to bonus stuff like this episode! patreon.com/372pages

A special 372 podcast with the author of forthcoming bestseller Medallion Status!

Conor was essentially the inspiration for his new book and we’ve got the thrilling tale (it involves corgis.) We also put John on the spot as an editor, giving him elevator pitches for a few our past books. 

We’ll be back next week with a full episode, so keep reading Lair of the White Worm and pre-order Medallion Status!

Episode 54 – Book 9

We’re on our ninth book! We now have enough bad books to field a baseball team or form our own personal Wu-Tang Clan of crappy literature. No reason to delay any further, hit play to find out what we’re reading next, and then come see us at our September 18th live show in Minneapolis!

Oh, by the way, Patreon supporters have been reading this book all weekend! Join them for just $5 a month and get every episode early! You’ll also get access to Mike’s conversation with Bridget about her fond and not-so-fond 372 memories, Conor’s conversation with Lauren about a book they hated together, and much more! patreon.com/372pages

For the first episode read Chapters 1-8.

Here’s a link to the amazon version we are using. And a link to a free ebook download.

(The giveaway mentioned in this episode is already concluded.)

Episode 53 – Seven Days of Mystery, Drama, Excitement, Compassion, Horror, and Romance

We finally finish Charles E. Harris aka The Horny Grandpa’s saga Trucking Through Time. Tension is high as we finally will get an answer to our big question: will the author handle things sloppily or hamfistedly?? There’s a big military standoff, sexy-time both across the river and in the breakdown lane of an interstate, and frankly, way more James A. Garfield involvement than anyone was expecting.

Unfortunately, there’s just not enough of our two favorite characters: the Denver lunch clairvoyant and Dale’s loser son. Guess we’ll just have to wait for a sequel!

Thanks again as always to our Patreon Supporters who get every episode early and are thus will be the firstto hear about our NEXT BOOK! Last week they also got a great bonus episode where Bridget Nelson weighed in on her memories or the terrible books Mike has brought into their home. And come on out to see us on 9/18 at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis! 

Episode 52 – Hold Onto Your Buckskins

We’ve got a jam-packed penultimate Trucking Through Time episode! Curvy wives! Horny grandpas! Easily accessible caches of cowboy hats! A surprising amount of discussion about James A. Garfield assassin Charles Guiteau. And a reminder to wash any pre-owned buckskins you buy at the thrift store!

With only fifty pages left in Trucking Through Time, we have several questions: “How are they getting back to 2000 Atlanta?”, sure. But also, “How many more meetings will take place in the general’s office?” and “How many times will ChaDale remind us who the REAL savages are?”

Consider chipping in a couple bucks to our Patreon and get every episode early! patreon.com/372pages

We’re also got a surprisingly tricky Real or FanFic and of course Dumb Sentences and emails. Plus we turn to the dark web to examine a heretofore unreported on Wild West career opportunity, and a secret fan theory for what was really going on at the fort.

For next time, finish the damn book!