372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

Support the podcast on Patreon, where you can watch Conor drink gross New Coke variants, hear Mike’s story teased in this ep, and so much more! patreon.com/372pages

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We’re past the halfway point in Gump & Co., and in this episode, so much Gump, so much Co., so much ass!! Seriously, could there be anymore ass in this book?

All the departments are here, Real or Fanfic, Dumb Sentences, and Stealing Mail, and also thrill as Mike misses one of Groom’s dumb jokes in real time!

READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the damn book.

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Support the podcast on Patreon, the only place to hear our Minneapolis live show and see our trip to the Mall of America Bubba Gump Shrimp Company!

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Oh, come back lengthy, unending descriptions of New Coke! You are missed. We’ll put down here what might be discussed during this episode and let you decide whether it’s real or not:

Colonel Oliver North (a gimme), Hog farming,Methane Explosions, Mike’s Killer Performance in Real or Fanfic, The Bonus Army Riots, Jessica Hahn, John Wayne Gacy, The Solid Gold Dancers, Jay Leno’s Secret Prison Stint, Boxcar Willie, Senator Robert Byrd, David Icke, Dumb Sentences of the Week

Here is the link to Erin’s Forrest Gump Fanfic Index 

Assignment: Read thru Chapter 10!

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Our first full episode of diving into the Winston Groom book Gump & Co.

So much is uncovered here, including Mike’s grandmother’s encounter with Houdini, Conor’s visit with broadcasting legend Larry King, some Dumb Sentences and some Real or FanFic; during which Mike either does or does not repeat recent past triumphs!

Patreon supporter goals as outlined in this episode:

863: Conor tries one of Forrest’s New Coke “improvements”

873: Conor tries the other one

883: Mike goes to the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co in the Mall of America

Assignment: Read thru Chapter 7

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Our beloved Patreon supporters have already been reading this book for a week! Join the fun at http://patreon.com/372pages

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It’s time to announce our twentieth book, and there’s one question on everyone’s mind: will anyone be forced into a tree? Also, Mike & Conor do another round of Calibrate Your Tastes.

It’s time to start another crazy journey. We’re excited about this one! (Conor would like to state for the record that he realized about half an hour after recording this that his favorite poem is Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie. In fact, he probably listened to it at Dartmouth while watching the WinAmp visualizer on The Slap Trip)

Assignment: The first 3 chapters

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Weeks ago, when we wandered out of the trees and mountains of the plains of Antigua and hopped on that unicorn’s back, we never could have imagined the places she’d take us. Or the sheer, unbelievable, immense number of characters we’d meet along the way.

So this, our last episode of Antigua: The Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes is a bittersweet one. We can only hope a Head Centaur blows dust on the writing ambitions of Larry and Denise to revive them and they finish volume 2!

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Support the 372 Patreon! Bonus Real or Fanfics, classical minis, other weirder stuff! patreon.com/372pages

“Displace one note and there would be diminishment, displace one phrase and the structure would fall.” Salieri on Mozart but it could easily have been spoken by Conor or me about the Ellis’ classic book, Antigua: The Land of Fairies Wizard and Heroes.

We won’t spoil anything but simply point out that we have a classic Real or Fanfic, some of the best Dumb Sentences EVER and an amazing letter from a listener.

For next time, like Bilbo… FINISH THE BOOK!

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Support the Podcast on Patreon to get fun stuff like a Meet The Authors with Bill Corbett, Conor’s breakdown of an iconic hip-hop sample, and every episode early! patreon.com/372pages

Just a few of the animals mentioned in this episode’s reading: dogs, cats, cows, roosters, chickens, pigs, goats, horses, cattle, foxes, squirrel monkeys who make all kinds of noises, a TALKING GORILLA, HIS HYSTERICAL WIFE AND THEIR BABY. 

Guess, just guess which of these is by far the most interesting animal.

There is of course Real or Fanfic, a dive to the Dark Web, Dumb Sentences and some really great emails and maps from listeners, not to mention some very, ahem, interesting background concerning our authors…

READING ASSIGNMENT: Because we are reading an eBook without chapters, please read through this sentence: “The Sorceress Gwendeviere’s army of goblins, trolls and black panthers continued to advance toward the army of King Aurthorr, King Thomasson and King Arlexjandrio.” [Note: the PDF, i.e., eBook is CANON but for reference it would mean starting at Chap 12 and reading through Chap 14 in a hard copy]

Here’s a gallery of the visual aides mentioned in this ep!

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You know how when a friend says, “You have to see this video!” and then thrusts his phone in your face and stands awkwardly watching your expression as you watch a video of a guy shooting a Roman candle into his dad’s crotch and you have to pretend to think it’s funny? Well, we insist you read this book. Here – here’s the book, read it and we’ll sit here and look at you while you do. 

Seriously, it’s that bananas.

This episode may be on the long side but spend two minutes listening and you can just hear the joy in our voices as we dig into the world of sarcastic cats, and mucus that looks like snot, and princesses who are very good friends with Great Wizards, and on and on. Yes, we have Dumb Sentences and Real or Fanfic and we Steal Mail and we visit the Dark Web and a listener sends in her Fun in Balloonland mash-up, but even all that can’t express the utter insanity of this book! 

Here’s the gallery of Antigua flags that listener Stephen made.

ASSIGNMENT FOR NEXT TIME: Read through the point you get to this sentence: “Jonathan said, “You’re right William! The wizards do not need to know that this is an actual battle! Tonight we will finally know who the better wizard is!” The Wizard Apprentice Jonathan walked away in anger. (We’re reading the ebook that has no chapter breaks, in case you are just joining us.) 

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A jam-packed episode for which we will not apologize: there are roughly 8300 characters mentioned in this reading alone. And we barely touch on the Great Wizard Agnessa!

We’ve got fairies, fairiettes, pixies, mini-wads, Wizard Apprentices, retiring Wizards, sorceresses, man-sized spiders, holograms, spinning hats and… komodo dragons! And the mysterious, suddenly-appearing Timothy. (Don’t even get me started on Benjamin and Leonard!) 

Plus all the departments, including a tonne (for you people from Britain OR England) of Sonic Challenges.

Assignment: Read through chapter 9, it ends with this passage: ” My bad! Please, by all means continue tormenting the inhabitants of the Land of Antigua as much as you like!”

Bonus: If you have a quick half an hour you’ll appreciate the opening theme song to Lidsville 

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Thanks to everyone who supports the podcast on Patreon! Please join them so we can have enough supporters to outnumber the centaurs in this book. patreon.com/372pages

This book is amazing! It’s an amazing book! Conor, 40 years-old, yelled to Mike, who was made of human parts, “I can’t believe how amazing this book is!” They then both galloped over to their special sticks* and said words into them about the book!

*microphones!

Assignment: Read up until the thrilling, dramatic sentence “He then finished doing all of his chores.” This is the end of Chapter 5 in the paperback version. We will include Chapter 3, which we did not have time for this time, in the next episode.

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