372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

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You know how when a friend says, “You have to see this video!” and then thrusts his phone in your face and stands awkwardly watching your expression as you watch a video of a guy shooting a Roman candle into his dad’s crotch and you have to pretend to think it’s funny? Well, we insist you read this book. Here – here’s the book, read it and we’ll sit here and look at you while you do. 

Seriously, it’s that bananas.

This episode may be on the long side but spend two minutes listening and you can just hear the joy in our voices as we dig into the world of sarcastic cats, and mucus that looks like snot, and princesses who are very good friends with Great Wizards, and on and on. Yes, we have Dumb Sentences and Real or Fanfic and we Steal Mail and we visit the Dark Web and a listener sends in her Fun in Balloonland mash-up, but even all that can’t express the utter insanity of this book! 

Here’s the gallery of Antigua flags that listener Stephen made.

ASSIGNMENT FOR NEXT TIME: Read through the point you get to this sentence: “Jonathan said, “You’re right William! The wizards do not need to know that this is an actual battle! Tonight we will finally know who the better wizard is!” The Wizard Apprentice Jonathan walked away in anger. (We’re reading the ebook that has no chapter breaks, in case you are just joining us.) 

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Support us on Patreon! It’s the only place to hear the legendary Bonus Real or Fanfic we did in between episodes! patreon.com/372pages

A jam-packed episode for which we will not apologize: there are roughly 8300 characters mentioned in this reading alone. And we barely touch on the Great Wizard Agnessa!

We’ve got fairies, fairiettes, pixies, mini-wads, Wizard Apprentices, retiring Wizards, sorceresses, man-sized spiders, holograms, spinning hats and… komodo dragons! And the mysterious, suddenly-appearing Timothy. (Don’t even get me started on Benjamin and Leonard!) 

Plus all the departments, including a tonne (for you people from Britain OR England) of Sonic Challenges.

Assignment: Read through chapter 9, it ends with this passage: ” My bad! Please, by all means continue tormenting the inhabitants of the Land of Antigua as much as you like!”

Bonus: If you have a quick half an hour you’ll appreciate the opening theme song to Lidsville 

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Thanks to everyone who supports the podcast on Patreon! Please join them so we can have enough supporters to outnumber the centaurs in this book. patreon.com/372pages

This book is amazing! It’s an amazing book! Conor, 40 years-old, yelled to Mike, who was made of human parts, “I can’t believe how amazing this book is!” They then both galloped over to their special sticks* and said words into them about the book!

*microphones!

Assignment: Read up until the thrilling, dramatic sentence “He then finished doing all of his chores.” This is the end of Chapter 5 in the paperback version. We will include Chapter 3, which we did not have time for this time, in the next episode.

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Conor challenges Mike with a quiz (he does poorly) and then the new book is announced!

EDIT:  Well this should be interesting. The kindle (CANON) version does not have chapter breaks. We will read until Location 737, ending at the sentence “The rulers of the easternmost province were King Arlexjandrio and Queen Gwyndeth.” 

This is through Chapter 3 in the NON-CANON paperback version. Mike will weigh in on the hardcover when he gets it.

Here is Zach’s cozy parody book as mentioned in the podcast!

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Our Patreon listeners are our favorite listeners! Join them at patreon.com/372pages and be the first to learn what book we’re doing next

Wow, there’s no way around it, we unabashedly loved the places this book went! (If you don’t agree with us please contact our solicitors, Messrs. Hutchinson and Harper.  If you find no relief and require medical assistance please get in touch with the eminent physicians Doctors Killen, Crombie and Smiley and they will cable for medicine from London [please allow six weeks for delivery]).

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Support the podcast on Patreon, and hear all about Mike’s Time Advocate theory! patreon.com/372pages

Just when you thought Irene Iddesleigh was just going to be kind of old-timey funny, the type of funny that would cause Samuel Clemens to sort of let out a little laugh through his nose, it goes completely bananas off-the-rails insane!! Beheaded ancestors, murder rooms, cocoanut matte carpeting, grim gore, hair-raising escapes led by loyal maids, the firing of Rachel Hyde and Tom Hepworth, trips to Dobb’s Ferry.

Trust us, it’s deranged.

Oh, and there’s Real or Fanfic, Mail, and Dumb Sentences.

Play Erin’s Escape Probability game here.

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This book was a surprise, packed with hidden delights. So too this episode including

-A brand new department: Appreciate Mark Twain

-Several dives to the Dark Web

-More than one improv regarding Sir John’s locked rooms

-Dumb Sentences

-A stunning Real or Fanfic

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 14!

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Our patreon supporters have known about this book for a week already and are already sending in their dumb sentences! Join the fun at patreon.com/372pages

Join us for our 18th book: Irene Iddlesleigh by Amanda Mckittrick Ros. That is, if the Red Cross doesn’t abduct Conor before then.

For our first episode we’ll be reading through Chapter 9. The book can be downloaded for free here or bought on amazon here.

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**Please note that the giveaway mentioned in this ep has obviously already ended**

Be the first to find out what our next book is! Support the podcast on Patreon and get early access to every ep and other fun stuff! patreon.com/372pages

Reading a 563 Tyra Banks book just wasn’t enough. Listeners insisted we read and report back on her six pages of acknowledgments!

Many exotic locations are thanked, as are bodies of water, buildings, food items, museum stores, the occasional co-writer or agent; and one of the actors who played Batman (who isn’t Jason O’Mara, Kevin McKidd, Julian Fletcher, Adam West, Ben Affleck, Will Arnett, Peter Weller, Ben McKenzie, Bruce Greenwood, Ron Perlman, Christian Bale, Val Kilmer, Kevin Conroy or Michael Keaton.)

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Thanks to everyone who supports the podcast on our Patreon! http://patreon.com/372pages

O’Neil of course does not rise.

But this is Modelland’s final episode. Per our stunt Mike did not read it so it’s all in the capable hands of Conor, who, for the first time gets to read a passage to the poor bedraggled “little girl”! Loose ends are sort of acknowledged, the body horror ramps up and despite no Real or Fanfic there are Dumb Sentences and some really good Stolen Mail.

Patreon people, stay tuned for bonus eps possibly involving Tyra’s acknowledgments, Conor’s SmizeCream eating party with three year-olds and the reveal of our next book. http://patreon.com/372pages

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