Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori

Look, we all love Sonny Hokori and Bennet Sands and Dr. Kittridge’s insanely hot daughter. We love to hear Jake discuss those people in quirky alleys with people we’ve never met and probably will never hear from again. But for the love of god, do we need FOUR CONSECUTIVE CHAPTERS of these meetings??? 

In this episode we’ve got some diabolical fan fic, confusion about what constitutes a cyborg, and we’ll finally hear from the man behind the ghostwriter himself. For next time, read thru episode 21!

Patreon supporters get these episodes before anyone else! Chip in a few bucks and help out your favorite podcast about books we’re all probably going to hate: patreon.com/372pages

Episode 24 – ¡El Pelo Hinchable!

To the inattentive and brainless layman* it might appear that not much happened during this stretch of TekWar. Mostly Jake aka Jonatha and Juanito aka The Android(???) just sat and talked to people about other people we haven’t met yet. Somehow, we discussed this for nearly two hours.

Folks stepped up their fanfic this time around, probably due to the new conditioner they’re using that leaves their hair bouncing around at all times for some reason. We also sort out how Jake could be puzzled (twice!) by the term kamikaze, guess characters exact ages and weights, and give credit where credit is due to a scene that actually made us laugh.

We’ll take a little extra time off for Thanksgiving, but we hope to have something extra up for Patreon supporters! To those of you celebrating, have a great turkey day! If you feel like joining our Giving Tuesday campaign for 826 National, it’s available here. Thanks to everyone who has chipped in so far!

For next time, read thru Chapter 15.

*I grinned as I found myself recognizing the turn of phrase from the classic 80s-90s comic strip Calvin and Hobbes

Episode 23 – Plasepisode Plastwenty Plasthree

Steeple your chrome fingers against your chrome nose and tell maw to cork it, here’s our first Tekwar episode!
We’ve got a ton to cover here: the difference between Airvans and Skycabs. Coppery racism. Oddly specific and ever increasing intervals of time. And printing, my god the printing!

 

A hearty plasthanks to our Patreon supporters, who get early access to every episode and just last week, got to hear an alternate version of our Tekwar intro episode! If you’d like to join them, you can chip in a a few bucks a month at patreon.com/372pages

Please keep sending in emails and fanfic. For next time read thru Chapter 11!

Episode 22 – Book Four Reveal!

Let’s not delay this any longer: We’ve got a new book picked out to read together, and by all accounts it’s gonna be a doozy. So let’s say goodbye to Norgolia and move on to… Well, you’ll have to listen to find out!

We didn’t know the assignment for MYSTERY BOOK REDACTED when we recorded, but now we do: read thru Chapter 7, that’s page 54 in our version.

Please email us your thoughts on the new book, as well as any fanfic you might cook up in your twisted little brains. And if you care to, support us on Patreon! They’ve already known about this book for days and raided their local stores for the cheapest used copies! patreon.com/372pages

Episode 21 – Mo’ Shamen, Maw Problems

It feels like we just started Grignr’s journey, but it’s already time to finish The Eye of Argon. Fortunately, the second half is just as amazing as the first half, with out of left field seizures, deadly rat pelvis bones, reeking maws, husking femmes, and iycks!

 

We’ll also take a look at how the book’s love scenes translate to the audio book format, read your emails, and award the dumb sentence of the week. Plus, we’re very pleased to report that this podcast has been deemed the winner of the Jay T. Rikosh award for excellence! And our next book should be arriving in the mail this weekend, so stay tuned!

Thanks to all of our Patreon supporters who make this possible! Join them and you can get early access to all of our episodes! patreon.com/372pages

Episode 20 – Hope You Like Adjectives!

Wow! The Eye of Argon more than surpassed our expectations. Our ovals widened rotundly with every additional sentence Theis crafted. My god, the first four (4.5, really) chapters were only like six thousand words and we spent nearly two hours discussing them!
Obviously there’s a lot to cover here as Grignr makes his way through the Norgolian empire: wenches, sluts (not the same, evidently!), bovine antagonists, and some very creative punctuation? Once again, Mike’s Hollywood sources have unearthed a long lost audioplay treatment of the book which provides some helpful context for some of the more confusing passages. And the long awaited return of “Real or Fanfic” contains what is probably one of the most unexpected slash pairings the internet has ever seen.
Thanks to all of our Patreon supporters, who get early access to every episode. You can join them at patreon.com/372pages
Please email all thoughts, fanfic, Dumb Sentences (we forgot this week but will make up for it next time), and book suggestions to 372pages@gmail.com

Episode 19 – The Eye of Argon

We teased it in our last episode, but we’re finally ready to reveal to you: our next book is called The Eye of Argon. We figured, what could possibly carry the torch of Ernest Cline’s terrible books, and decided: how about a typo-riddled fantasy novella written five decades ago by a sixteen year old who never published anything again?

The Eye of Argon by Jim Theis is obscure, but it is available in print (VERY curious what the publisher makes of the sudden spike in sales!) Fortunately, it’s also available in every ebook format known to man right here. And if you want a true window into madness, check out the scan of the original issue of the Ozark SF Association “magazine”  it appeared in.

The Eye of Argon is mercifully short, so you could probably read the whole thing in one sitting, but for our next episode we’re only going to read thru the first four chapters. Yes, that includes chapter 3.5. No, we don’t know why there are multiple “half” chapters.

Email us your thoughts and fanfic at 372pages@gmail.com And if you’re interested in supporting our patreon, you can do that here: patreon.com/372pages You’ll get early access to our episodes (Patrons have known the book title since Tuesday!) and the warm feeling that you’re helping make nonsense like this happen!

Episode 18 – A Crummy Commercial

We are back! Don’t worry, there is no new Ernest Cline book. But we’ve decided to launch back up to try to tackle some books which may be just as bad or even worse!

DO NOT GET TOO EXCITED! There’s no real content in this episode. It is just A Crummy Commercial for our new Patreon. We ran afoul of the International Podcast Council for A) not having a Patreon and B) not reading commercials for MeUndies. We’re risking a lot by still refusing to do B, but if you’d like to support our Patreon, we’d really appreciate it! For just a few bucks a month you can get early access to episodes, like the episode that reveals OUR NEXT BOOK TITLE which is currently available for patrons RIGHT NOW!

All episodes will still be available for free on this same feed, just a few days after the patreon subscribers get them. So check back here in a few days!

Episode 17 – We’ll Do It Live… Or Will We?

Recorded live at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on April 11th, this is our first ever live show… Is how this post used to start before the recording of our live show was lost in an epic tech meltdown!

But never fear, Mike and Conor have reunited to rediscuss the Ready Player One movie, in possibly more depth than even the original discussion! Did it live up to the expectations of the gunter faithful? Or did Spielberg pull a Pendergast? Most importantly: Were there any Battletoads cameos??

Thanks to everyone who came out to the actual live show, and to everyone who encouraged us to share our thoughts even after the disappointment of losing the first recording. Mike will be reprising the first half of the live show on Like Trees Walking, available shortly. And as always, Conor’s Pole Vault Championship of the Entire Universe novel is available on Kindle and in Paperback.

Episode 16 – And Then All That Happened, The End

When we last left Zack Lightman, he was submerged beneath the Antarctic Ocean, trying to retrieve his father and save the world. But then it was getting close to happy hour, so Ernest Cline decided to just wrap things up and hit publish on one of the most unsatisfying, unbelievably rushed endings we’ve ever seen. We’re talking about an ending where cancer is cured IN ONE SENTENCE, and then the fact that MOST OTHER DISEASES were also cured is tacked on as a parenthetical to that sentence.

Conor & Mike are here to talk you through it though, with ruminations on MLB.tv’s playoff feeds, contorted faces, and a leaked scene featuring their new favorite character, The Emissary. Thanks for reading along with us, it’s been a lot of fun!

Since this is the FINAL Armada episode, we’re auctioning off our copies of the books. PLUS, Lucas Antoniak did an original, one of a kind painting of Chuckette, the original inflatable rig cow, that we’re including in the auction. All proceeds will go to 826 National.

Tickets are still available for our live show, April 11th in Minneapolis, but they’re going fast!

Need something to fill the Cline shaped void in your reading schedule? Get Conor’s book, The Pole Vault Championship of the Entire Universe!