372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

To say that LOTWW took an unexpected turn in this section would be a slap in the face to unexpected turns. While it appeared to be inching (worm pun) its way toward an exploration of the enormous holes that TOTALLY PROVE the existence of giant worms, most of the second quarter of the book is dedicated to Caswall’s enormous bird kite.

Does he love the kite? Feel bad about the terror it hath wrought? Who knows! Stoker’s writing is no more clear than Oolanga’s expressions of love to Lady Arabella.

Thanks as always to our Patreon supporters who have been puzzling over the Sudden Birdemic all weekend. Join them at patreon.com/372pages

We’ll also listen in on a historical conversation Stoker had, and Mike turns the tables on Conor by having him guess Real or Fanfic?

For next time read thru Chapter 23

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Bram, (or is it pronounced Bram) Stoker’s Dracula followup The Lair of the White Worm, is not very good. But there’s a lot to discuss!

Adam Salton has willingly traveled halfway across the world to live with his elderly Grand-Uncle, which is frankly a clue that we’re not in for a relatable experience. But we were not prepared for just how unrelatable! We’ve got mongoose purchasing down by the docks, men who stare like hawks until a woman possibly faints, outfits made of stuff, and women who may be snakes or just smell like them. Plus a big scoop of racism on top!

Thanks to all our Patreon supporters, who get every episode early and are currently in a contest to write a worse sentence than Stoker! Join them here: patreon.com/372pages

All this plus some snippets from a rare audiobook of the unabridged version. For next time, read thru Chapter 16!

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The live show is now a PATREON EXCLUSIVE!

Recorded live at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on 9/18/19, it’s a very special 372 Pages Live!

Conor & Mike turn the tables on themselves, reading bad writing from Conor’s past. (Over two decades ago!) Mike either had no bad writing or it was somehow even worse than Conor’s, so he got Bridget to sub in for him. (Turns out Ernest Cline’s poetry is really bad and nobody wanted to inflict his poem “Cunning Linguistics” upon an unsuspecting audience. Don’t google it.)

Special thanks to Sisyphus for hosting, Eric for his AV talents, and for everyone who came out to see us in person! And as always, thanks to everyone who chips in on patreon to keep the show going! patreon.com/372pages

This was a two part live show, if you’d like to hear the Like Trees Walking portion that preceded it, where Mike & Dave discuss the sub-Hallmark Channel movie “Christian Mingle”, you can download the whole evening from their feed here 

This chat with Hodgman is now a PATREON EXCLUSIVE! Support the podcast and get every episode early, plus access to bonus stuff like this episode! patreon.com/372pages

A special 372 podcast with the author of forthcoming bestseller Medallion Status!

Conor was essentially the inspiration for his new book and we’ve got the thrilling tale (it involves corgis.) We also put John on the spot as an editor, giving him elevator pitches for a few our past books. 

We’ll be back next week with a full episode, so keep reading Lair of the White Worm and pre-order Medallion Status!

We’re on our ninth book! We now have enough bad books to field a baseball team or form our own personal Wu-Tang Clan of crappy literature. No reason to delay any further, hit play to find out what we’re reading next, and then come see us at our September 18th live show in Minneapolis!

Oh, by the way, Patreon supporters have been reading this book all weekend! Join them for just $5 a month and get every episode early! You’ll also get access to Mike’s conversation with Bridget about her fond and not-so-fond 372 memories, Conor’s conversation with Lauren about a book they hated together, and much more! patreon.com/372pages

For the first episode read Chapters 1-8.

Here’s a link to the amazon version we are using. And a link to a free ebook download.

(The giveaway mentioned in this episode is already concluded.)

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We finally finish Charles E. Harris aka The Horny Grandpa’s saga Trucking Through Time. Tension is high as we finally will get an answer to our big question: will the author handle things sloppily or hamfistedly?? There’s a big military standoff, sexy-time both across the river and in the breakdown lane of an interstate, and frankly, way more James A. Garfield involvement than anyone was expecting.

Unfortunately, there’s just not enough of our two favorite characters: the Denver lunch clairvoyant and Dale’s loser son. Guess we’ll just have to wait for a sequel!

Thanks again as always to our Patreon Supporters who get every episode early and are thus will be the firstto hear about our NEXT BOOK! Last week they also got a great bonus episode where Bridget Nelson weighed in on her memories or the terrible books Mike has brought into their home. And come on out to see us on 9/18 at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis! 

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We’ve got a jam-packed penultimate Trucking Through Time episode! Curvy wives! Horny grandpas! Easily accessible caches of cowboy hats! A surprising amount of discussion about James A. Garfield assassin Charles Guiteau. And a reminder to wash any pre-owned buckskins you buy at the thrift store!

With only fifty pages left in Trucking Through Time, we have several questions: “How are they getting back to 2000 Atlanta?”, sure. But also, “How many more meetings will take place in the general’s office?” and “How many times will ChaDale remind us who the REAL savages are?”

Consider chipping in a couple bucks to our Patreon and get every episode early! patreon.com/372pages

We’re also got a surprisingly tricky Real or FanFic and of course Dumb Sentences and emails. Plus we turn to the dark web to examine a heretofore unreported on Wild West career opportunity, and a secret fan theory for what was really going on at the fort.

For next time, finish the damn book!

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In between the General reading reports, Trucking Through Time manages to fit in some genuinely insane moments. Our heroes literally get to meet God, and it’s the second craziest thing that happens. (The first is our favorite moment in all of literature.)

We’ll listen in on some surreptitious recordings made by Harris’ family, examine the GoodReads history of a guy who didn’t care for TTT and cares for cookbooks even less, and of course, will see if Mike can separate fanfic from real Harris text.

Consider chipping in a few bucks to our Patreon! We did a call-in show last week for our supporters that was a lot of fun. Get every episode early!

For next time, read thru Chapter 16, page 285. Only two more Truckin’ eps left! 

And if you’re near Minneapolis, we’d love to see you at our live show, Wednesday September 18th at Sisyphus Brewing!

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It’s our 50th episode! And to celebrate, Trucking Through Time gets a little…. sexy! If you thought groins were stirring and tightening in the mister, just wait til you see the effect Light Feather has on Chad! (He’s not going to need his last name, if you know what we mean…)

Our occasional department of Amazon review guessing returns to inspect the history of, until we started this month, the sole Amazon reviewer of TTT. We’ve also got another bit of what one listener called “Baroque Nonsense” when we visit the dark web to drop to poach content from another podcast.

For next time, read thru Chapter 14, page 234.

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Having trucked through time, our heroes Chad Hand and Dale Rhea (seriously) must now deal with the perils of life in the late 17th or early 18th century. This mainly involves taping things to sticks and feeding a young boy pork and beans.

We’ll also get to meet approximately three dozen members of the Sioux tribe, some of whom manage to die before they’re even introduced. We’ll also meet members of the US army, introduced in an unconventional manner Harris employs known as “confusing the living shit out of us.”

Consider supporting us on Patreon. Get every episode early, plus fun other stuff. Do it or we’ll start putting ads in this thing!!! patreon.com/372pages

Fanfic this week proved both hilarious and tricky, and we unearthed a dark web interview with the author himself.

For next time, read thru Chapter 10, page 174!

(Heather’s character spreadsheet available here)

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