372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

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The very last reading of Norman Boutin’s Empress Theresa DOES NOT DISAPPOINT! But, you ask, what happens to Steve Hartley? Does Jan Struthers become a successful wealth manager? President Martin – does he ever get prosecuted for attempting to murder a United States citizen? Is Prime Minister Blair able to keep his coalition together and maintain his office, or is he voted out? Israel: was their relocation successful? Does Pyongyang think it’s cool to have their country moved out into the ocean somewhere? Does OPEC continue? Does the oil exported from Theresa Isle ever go above five dollars per barrel? Do the thousands of silversmiths in the UK keep their lucrative jobs, or do the many new diamond merchants make them redundant?

Last question: does anyone fall asleep for six-hundred years and awake to find that they are going to be ruled by a bunch of 10-year-olds who have their growth stunted but have the equivalent of a hundred college degrees? (If it helps, they’re all wearing multi-colored arm bands…)

All these questions are answered, as are many others that no one even asked!

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Just a few of the ideas this book attempts to tackle:

An omnipotent entity transmitted to human beings by a fox.

Eternal daylight.

Tilting the axis of planet earth, i.e., eternal summer.

A new Jewish state.

Global price controls.

Harvesting precious metals from the sun.

Plywood. Purchased with help from butlers named Arthur.

It’s nearly impossible to describe the insanity contained in this thing. It’s madness wrapped in delusion surround by lunacy. But somehow Mike still struggles with Real or Fanfic.

READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the book!

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Is it a novel? Is it a manifesto? Is it the written equivalent of “score settling” for past grievances big and small? It’s all of these things and so much more!

Puzzling, confounding, terribly written, way too long, sure: but coming up, we have it on the best of authority, our heroine plays quarterback in the Army/Navy game!

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 23.

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Legendary Simpsons writer, showrunner, and executive producer Bill Oakley joins us to discuss his new audiobook, “Space 1972” and attempt to solve a mystery for 11 year olds!

Get Bill’s new audiobook Space 1972 on Audible or Amazon

And of course you’ll want to listen to Space 1969 first (Audible / Amazon)

And check out billoakley.com to see if one of his curated culinary events is coming to a town near you!

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This isn’t the first book we’ve covered about an attractive young woman who gets implanted with a dark matter / alien / ancient lifeform by a visiting fox, survives an assassination attempt (via atomic bomb) by the president of the United States, is rescued by UK sailors, befriends Prime Minster Blair, goes hat shopping with her lady in waiting, becomes a global celebrity, and vacations with her young, clock-building husband in Paris (which she hates) and Dublin (which she loves), and we’re certain it won’t be the last. Still, parts of it are unique and worth talking about.

ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 18 (a longer read, but there’ll be a bit more time)

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This one’s an E. Brown mystery kindly sent in by listener John: is Mike smarter than a 10 year-old?

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Get the book here

It’s finally here: a book that’s not Mayor of Noobtown! This is the inaugural episode of our new book Empress Theresa by Norman Boutin, and as such, Mike is required to be tested by the crucible of Real or Fanfic. It’s… well… you’ll have to listen. If, for some insane reason, medical or otherwise, you weren’t able to read Super Constitution, this is probably going to get you 90% of the “manifesto” nature of that with roughly twice the entertainment value (just back of the envelope calculations.)

Watch the horse ad here

ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 10

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Before we get to the meat and potatoes of it, Conor is challenged with a quiz from Mike. It’s quite a turnaround and is utterly un-skippable!

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 5.

Get the book here, but only click AFTER you’ve listened!!

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As any hero would say, without looking back at the smoking ruins / nearly dead enemy / exploding spaceship, “It’s over. It’s finally over.” It’s true: you can remove your hands from in front of your eyes and take out your earplugs: The Mayor of Noobtown is no more. It’s in distinguished publisher HarperCollins’ hands now.*

BUT, before we leave, we spend an inordinate amount of time dissecting the humor, the pathos, the… sharts that have made this such a poignant read. There are Dumb Sentences as well.

*Other authors they have published: Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Richard Wright, Mark Twain, the Brontë sisters, Margaret Wise Brown, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, E.B. White, Herman Melville…

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Just one more reading of distinguished publisher Harper Collins’ soon-to-be runaway smash best seller The Mayor of Noobtown (featuring, so far, Jim, Shart, AltaVista, JoeBob, Ted Goblin and Jerry Wolf)! If you have been reading along (and if so, in the words of Jim Downey, “May God have mercy on your soul.”) then you’re already aware of the tack sharp humor of the author. But on the very remote chance that you aren’t reading along, Conor and Mike really drill down and circle back on the whole humor aspect. Also, Mike’s last stab at Real or Fanfic (it’s a doozy!) plus Dumb Sentences of the Week.

Reading Assignment: Finish the book!

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