372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

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I’ll start with a Spoiler Alert: Wren is a ghost. Further Spoiler Alert: she remains a ghost. Prediction. Reece is a ghost. So is Louise. And Oscar is the killer. And so is Nash. Also, Griffin is clearly NOT the killer because he does drugs. And Dax is not the killer because he is a window peeper.

Anyway, SO many twists coming. SO little time left for twists. SO little performance from Mike on Real or Fanfic…

Reading Assignment: Please read all the way through Chapter 23. Thank you.

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Mike is joined by Reduced Shakespeare Company and Goodman Theater super-actor Austin Tichenor to match wits against Idaville’s most famous boy detective and share his surprising Donald J Sobol backstory!

Check out Reduced Shakespeare Company shows

And Austin’s children’s book Daisy the Littlest Zombie

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Wren is a ghost, evidently. We guessed it on word two she narrated several episodes ago. If you wanted to parallel this with Night of the Crabs, much like that, there are only a few characters and three locations. In this there is the bed and breakfast (Cliff Davenport’s boarding house) , the location of Oscar and Lorena’s house (NotC’s beach) and the downtown (NotC’s Shell Island). And there were some characters, like in this. I think we’ve strongly made our case.

And, much like Night of the Crabs, Mike’s total at Real or Fanfic is, well, not great. Anyway, ghosts scream, sandwiches are eaten, as are microwaved cuts of salmon. Wine is drunk (by both ghosts and mortals), games are played, and embezzlement schemes are revealed.

ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 19

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The shocking reveal about Wren? Yes, she is a Large Margian ghost, of course, but even more shocking she is a fan of jigsaw puzzles! This is the “toast for breakfast” of “liking games”!

Mike and Conor dutifully read the book, go to the store, buy brown thread. Tape. Scissors. Munch some toast. Stop to talk to Ethel Lampier. Give her a twenty. Tell her to keep the change. Throw a pumpkin off a roof. Pull the small computer out their pockets. Scroll some news headlines. Oh! And Conor challenges Mike with some Real or Fanfic, and they read the Dumb Sentences of the Week.

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through Chapter 16

Sparks & Shyamalan video interview

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Mike is joined by Stin, the bass player for the acclaimed group Chat Pile, to help him solve a mystery meant for a 10-year-old!

Check out Who Loves The Sun, out now and catch the band on tour near you!

Plus, here’s Stin’s sweet Coily tattoo

And the illustration from the episode

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Will the twist be that there is no twist? We don’t know, we just nibble our toast and do the best we can. THAT SAID, Mike does take on Real or Fanfic, and for the first time in a while we have time to read some mail!

Reading Assignment: through chapter 13.

And in case you didn’t believe us, the trailer for the movie. (Remember that movie where Casey Affleck ran around in a bedsheet? If I had to guess I’d say it’s like that only worse.)

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A new book, with new authors (to us)! When more than one great artist gets together with another artist you get things like The Traveling Wilburys, Limp Bizkit & Raekwon, and Martin and Lewis. Such it is with this book, when mega-successful novelist Nicholas Sparks teams up with auteur superstar M. Night Shyamalan for our latest, Remain.

Sure, Mike has to recalibrate his Real or Fanfic, but we do have Dumb Sentences of the Week to fall back on!

Get the book here

Please read through Chapter 9 for next time, thank you!

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Everyone on our Patreon has already been reading this book for a week! That’s a good thing, right? Join the fun at patreon.com/372pages

Like Hydrox wafers and Hydrox-brand “cream filling”, two of your favorites have come together to make one spectacular book (soon to be a major motion picture!)

Reading Assignment: Read through Chapter 5

Here’s a book link if you are impatient

And a link to the movie posters we discussed

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The very last reading of Norman Boutin’s Empress Theresa DOES NOT DISAPPOINT! But, you ask, what happens to Steve Hartley? Does Jan Struthers become a successful wealth manager? President Martin – does he ever get prosecuted for attempting to murder a United States citizen? Is Prime Minister Blair able to keep his coalition together and maintain his office, or is he voted out? Israel: was their relocation successful? Does Pyongyang think it’s cool to have their country moved out into the ocean somewhere? Does OPEC continue? Does the oil exported from Theresa Isle ever go above five dollars per barrel? Do the thousands of silversmiths in the UK keep their lucrative jobs, or do the many new diamond merchants make them redundant?

Last question: does anyone fall asleep for six-hundred years and awake to find that they are going to be ruled by a bunch of 10-year-olds who have their growth stunted but have the equivalent of a hundred college degrees? (If it helps, they’re all wearing multi-colored arm bands…)

All these questions are answered, as are many others that no one even asked!

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Just a few of the ideas this book attempts to tackle:

An omnipotent entity transmitted to human beings by a fox.

Eternal daylight.

Tilting the axis of planet earth, i.e., eternal summer.

A new Jewish state.

Global price controls.

Harvesting precious metals from the sun.

Plywood. Purchased with help from butlers named Arthur.

It’s nearly impossible to describe the insanity contained in this thing. It’s madness wrapped in delusion surround by lunacy. But somehow Mike still struggles with Real or Fanfic.

READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the book!

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