372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

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The shocking reveal about Wren? Yes, she is a Large Margian ghost, of course, but even more shocking she is a fan of jigsaw puzzles! This is the “toast for breakfast” of “liking games”!

Mike and Conor dutifully read the book, go to the store, buy brown thread. Tape. Scissors. Munch some toast. Stop to talk to Ethel Lampier. Give her a twenty. Tell her to keep the change. Throw a pumpkin off a roof. Pull the small computer out their pockets. Scroll some news headlines. Oh! And Conor challenges Mike with some Real or Fanfic, and they read the Dumb Sentences of the Week.

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through Chapter 16

Sparks & Shyamalan video interview

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Mike is joined by Stin, the bass player for the acclaimed group Chat Pile, to help him solve a mystery meant for a 10-year-old!

Check out Who Loves The Sun, out now and catch the band on tour near you!

Plus, here’s Stin’s sweet Coily tattoo

And the illustration from the episode

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Support the podcast on Patreon to hear exclusive stuff you won’t get anywhere else! This week we covered the Donald J. Sobel mystery with the dumbest solution we’ve heard so far! patreon.com/372pages

Will the twist be that there is no twist? We don’t know, we just nibble our toast and do the best we can. THAT SAID, Mike does take on Real or Fanfic, and for the first time in a while we have time to read some mail!

Reading Assignment: through chapter 13.

And in case you didn’t believe us, the trailer for the movie. (Remember that movie where Casey Affleck ran around in a bedsheet? If I had to guess I’d say it’s like that only worse.)

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A new book, with new authors (to us)! When more than one great artist gets together with another artist you get things like The Traveling Wilburys, Limp Bizkit & Raekwon, and Martin and Lewis. Such it is with this book, when mega-successful novelist Nicholas Sparks teams up with auteur superstar M. Night Shyamalan for our latest, Remain.

Sure, Mike has to recalibrate his Real or Fanfic, but we do have Dumb Sentences of the Week to fall back on!

Get the book here

Please read through Chapter 9 for next time, thank you!

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Everyone on our Patreon has already been reading this book for a week! That’s a good thing, right? Join the fun at patreon.com/372pages

Like Hydrox wafers and Hydrox-brand “cream filling”, two of your favorites have come together to make one spectacular book (soon to be a major motion picture!)

Reading Assignment: Read through Chapter 5

Here’s a book link if you are impatient

And a link to the movie posters we discussed

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The very last reading of Norman Boutin’s Empress Theresa DOES NOT DISAPPOINT! But, you ask, what happens to Steve Hartley? Does Jan Struthers become a successful wealth manager? President Martin – does he ever get prosecuted for attempting to murder a United States citizen? Is Prime Minister Blair able to keep his coalition together and maintain his office, or is he voted out? Israel: was their relocation successful? Does Pyongyang think it’s cool to have their country moved out into the ocean somewhere? Does OPEC continue? Does the oil exported from Theresa Isle ever go above five dollars per barrel? Do the thousands of silversmiths in the UK keep their lucrative jobs, or do the many new diamond merchants make them redundant?

Last question: does anyone fall asleep for six-hundred years and awake to find that they are going to be ruled by a bunch of 10-year-olds who have their growth stunted but have the equivalent of a hundred college degrees? (If it helps, they’re all wearing multi-colored arm bands…)

All these questions are answered, as are many others that no one even asked!

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Just a few of the ideas this book attempts to tackle:

An omnipotent entity transmitted to human beings by a fox.

Eternal daylight.

Tilting the axis of planet earth, i.e., eternal summer.

A new Jewish state.

Global price controls.

Harvesting precious metals from the sun.

Plywood. Purchased with help from butlers named Arthur.

It’s nearly impossible to describe the insanity contained in this thing. It’s madness wrapped in delusion surround by lunacy. But somehow Mike still struggles with Real or Fanfic.

READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the book!

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Is it a novel? Is it a manifesto? Is it the written equivalent of “score settling” for past grievances big and small? It’s all of these things and so much more!

Puzzling, confounding, terribly written, way too long, sure: but coming up, we have it on the best of authority, our heroine plays quarterback in the Army/Navy game!

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 23.

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Legendary Simpsons writer, showrunner, and executive producer Bill Oakley joins us to discuss his new audiobook, “Space 1972” and attempt to solve a mystery for 11 year olds!

Get Bill’s new audiobook Space 1972 on Audible or Amazon

And of course you’ll want to listen to Space 1969 first (Audible / Amazon)

And check out billoakley.com to see if one of his curated culinary events is coming to a town near you!

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This isn’t the first book we’ve covered about an attractive young woman who gets implanted with a dark matter / alien / ancient lifeform by a visiting fox, survives an assassination attempt (via atomic bomb) by the president of the United States, is rescued by UK sailors, befriends Prime Minster Blair, goes hat shopping with her lady in waiting, becomes a global celebrity, and vacations with her young, clock-building husband in Paris (which she hates) and Dublin (which she loves), and we’re certain it won’t be the last. Still, parts of it are unique and worth talking about.

ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 18 (a longer read, but there’ll be a bit more time)

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